4 Reasons Why We Don't "Rescue" Women

1.  This terminology creates unfair expectations for the recovering women.

The point a woman is removed from an abusive situation is not the end of her struggle, it’s only the beginning of her healing process. Of course, this moment can be one of great relief and celebration. It is often also riddled with conflicting emotions, fear of the unknown, and even numbness. Furthermore, it’s an entirely common part of the recovering process for a person to slip back into old norms. For some this may mean returning to the sex industry or another abusive relationship. She needs to know that it’s not abnormal and that it doesn’t make her a failure. She needs the freedom to have an imperfect recovery process in order to keep fighting for herself.

2.  This simplistic goal ignores the complexity of trauma.

If we put too much emphasis on the moment of “rescue” instead of acknowledging the complex trajectory of recovery from trauma, we are only adding to a women’s guilt when she slips back into old, unhealthy patterns. Instead, we need to be transparent about the challenges of healing. Women exiting exploitation may be gravely wounded individuals but they are not weak. They are survivors and deserve to be treated with the respect of honestly. Their recovery will be difficult and even painful and confusing at times. However, the more they are educated about this process and supported through it, the higher likelihood of a healthy future.

3.  A classic “rescue” creates social and emotional debts, especially within certain cultures.

It’s human nature to be grateful to those who are helping you. This is no different when helping a women leave an exploitative relationship. This is also often no different from the attic used to ensnare her in the first place. Traffickers and exploiters frequently manipulate girls and women with by first offering her support. Maybe a man pursued a storybook romantic relationship with her or maybe a women connected her to a job that would allow the women’s children to stay in school. Either way, coercion begins with gratitude and is executed through guilt. We must be careful not to mimic these same patterns in our attempts to do good. When helping a women exit exploitation we must continually demonstrate that nothing is owed in exchange for this support. If she is so inclined, she can pay it forward, but she does not need to pay it back. She does not need to convert to our religion or attend our services in exchange for help. She does not need to be tricked into attending a Bible study in order to receive help. She does not need to hide her struggles or accidents from us. An invitation to unconditional love is the only option for recovery.

4.  Focusing on a rescue, does not does elevate the power of her own choice.

As potential helpers, it’s not about us, or our time-table. A women is not to be rescued. A women is to be supported and empowered. In the midst of trafficking and exploitation, the individual’s choice is beaten out of them, figuratively and sometimes literally. This individual choice must be restored in order for her to find sustainable freedom. She needs to be empowered to take back charge of her own life and make changes and decisions only when she is truly ready. As any good friends would, there is a time to push or encourage, but the final decision must always be hers. Often this can be frustrating to those of us on the outside looking in, grieved at the slow pace of forward progress, but what a luxurious seat we have in the comfort of our health and privilege. We must remain patient and support the pace of her recovery.

She must realize the power of her own choice, and so should we.